Getting in Trouble
Saturday night was apparently the night for getting in trouble for my girls.
First I hear Riley and Alexandra talking in the other room about the gum in Alexandra's hair. So I yell for Alexandra to come in so I can see what kind of mess is in her hair. She had mushed the gum in really good, but luckily I didn't have to cut too much of her hair to get it out. But then she got mad at me because she wanted the gum back. Yeah not gonna happen.
Then about bath time I notice that Riley has a hole in her pants. Now this hole is very definitely something that was done on purpose with scissors. So I ask Riley what happened with her pants. She proceeds to lie to me and say "I don't know" twice. Now this is the first time Riley has ever lied. Not only can I tell this was a purposely cut hole, she's horrible at lying. When I tell her to tell me the truth she says she cut her pants with some scissors. So then I ask her when she cut them. Again "I don't know". So I tell her that she is lying to me and she needs to tell me the truth. So eventually she tells me the truth.
Then I was faced with a dilemma. I wanted to punish her for the pants so bad - we don't have lots of money to buy clothes whenever she decides to mutilate them - but I don't want her to think lying is the way to get out of trouble. So I tell her that because she lied to me twice she has to go sit in time out. Now I know - time out, big deal - but this is my Riley. She has seriously never been in trouble. This is the first time she's ever had to sit in time out, so it was a huge deal for her. So she's sitting in the laundry room crying for her whole 7 minutes. When she gets to come out I sit down with her and we have a HUGE talk about lying. I tell her all about how she will get in more trouble for lying then for just admitting to whatever she did wrong. Hence, how she had to sit in time out for lying, not for cutting her pants. I tell her that yes when you do things that are wrong you will most likely get punished, but telling the truth is better than getting punished for whatever you did wrong and getting punished for lying. I also told her that when she lies she hurts me because she's not trusting me to be a good mom. Goodness it's not like I spank or yell, or make them eat soap.......yeah I told her how Grammy used to make me eat soap when I lied. (Which I think just made me into a better liar - if you don't get caught, no soap to eat). We then talked about her pants and how she still needed to be punished for that too. We talked about how I can't just go buy her new pants whenever and how these pants were the only ones she has that she could wear with her costume on Friday. So her punishment is that she has to wear them on Friday with the hole, and since she doesn't get to wear her costume until the end of the day, all of her friends will be able to see the hole (it's just above her knee, but still embarrassing for her). She has asked me if she can sew the hole up, and we'll see, maybe I'll let her, I'm not sure that the hole wouldn't be less embarrassing.
This was such a huge issue for me. I don't want my girls to be like I was. I was a very good liar, not at the beginning - hence the soap - but it got to the point my mom could never tell. I don't want them to feel like they have to lie to me, especially over stupid stuff.
First I hear Riley and Alexandra talking in the other room about the gum in Alexandra's hair. So I yell for Alexandra to come in so I can see what kind of mess is in her hair. She had mushed the gum in really good, but luckily I didn't have to cut too much of her hair to get it out. But then she got mad at me because she wanted the gum back. Yeah not gonna happen.
Then about bath time I notice that Riley has a hole in her pants. Now this hole is very definitely something that was done on purpose with scissors. So I ask Riley what happened with her pants. She proceeds to lie to me and say "I don't know" twice. Now this is the first time Riley has ever lied. Not only can I tell this was a purposely cut hole, she's horrible at lying. When I tell her to tell me the truth she says she cut her pants with some scissors. So then I ask her when she cut them. Again "I don't know". So I tell her that she is lying to me and she needs to tell me the truth. So eventually she tells me the truth.
Then I was faced with a dilemma. I wanted to punish her for the pants so bad - we don't have lots of money to buy clothes whenever she decides to mutilate them - but I don't want her to think lying is the way to get out of trouble. So I tell her that because she lied to me twice she has to go sit in time out. Now I know - time out, big deal - but this is my Riley. She has seriously never been in trouble. This is the first time she's ever had to sit in time out, so it was a huge deal for her. So she's sitting in the laundry room crying for her whole 7 minutes. When she gets to come out I sit down with her and we have a HUGE talk about lying. I tell her all about how she will get in more trouble for lying then for just admitting to whatever she did wrong. Hence, how she had to sit in time out for lying, not for cutting her pants. I tell her that yes when you do things that are wrong you will most likely get punished, but telling the truth is better than getting punished for whatever you did wrong and getting punished for lying. I also told her that when she lies she hurts me because she's not trusting me to be a good mom. Goodness it's not like I spank or yell, or make them eat soap.......yeah I told her how Grammy used to make me eat soap when I lied. (Which I think just made me into a better liar - if you don't get caught, no soap to eat). We then talked about her pants and how she still needed to be punished for that too. We talked about how I can't just go buy her new pants whenever and how these pants were the only ones she has that she could wear with her costume on Friday. So her punishment is that she has to wear them on Friday with the hole, and since she doesn't get to wear her costume until the end of the day, all of her friends will be able to see the hole (it's just above her knee, but still embarrassing for her). She has asked me if she can sew the hole up, and we'll see, maybe I'll let her, I'm not sure that the hole wouldn't be less embarrassing.
This was such a huge issue for me. I don't want my girls to be like I was. I was a very good liar, not at the beginning - hence the soap - but it got to the point my mom could never tell. I don't want them to feel like they have to lie to me, especially over stupid stuff.
I think you handled it perfectly! Way to go! I know it stinks, and I dread the day when Jocey deliberately lies to me, but you've set a good example for me.
ReplyDeletePoor Bug! She tries so hard to never get in trouble.
ReplyDeleteAnd that is sooo Alexandra - wanting the gum back!
You did the right thing Cort. I always told Brock and Kiira if they lied they would get double punishment. But even better, I like how your Mom didn't comment on your admission of nearly life -long guilt!! Next time that there is gum in one of the girl's hair, try using cooking oil to get it out, I did that for Kiira once, she had a huge glob about 2 feet up in her hair and it came out relatively easy and no cutting needed.
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