My Irrational Fears
Now maybe this is normal, but since I'm not really sure what a "normal" pregnancy should be I have no idea. But lately I have worries about everything. Mostly it has to do with the baby being born healthy. When I told Dean about them the other night, he was like "Wow, I had no idea you had that much that you were worried about".
So here's my list.
#1 - Driving in the car. It scares me to death now. I really have no reason for it to scare me since I have never had a car accident. But every time I'm behind the wheel all I can think about is what if someone hits me. I'm wearing a seat belt and that could hurt the baby. If the airbag goes off, that could hurt the baby. Let alone if it's a really bad accident....
#2 - I can't open any of the stuff we've bought for the baby. And this is so unlike me, I love to open stuff and put it together. But this time all I can think of is I can't open it, what if something happens to the baby. We can't return it if it's open. (Dean is going to help me get through this one by opening everything next week - which makes me excited, but also scared)
#3 - Next is my fear of all the medical things that could possibly go wrong. And this goes way beyond the placental abruption that I'm scared might happen any day. With the other girls I had tons of ultrasounds, so even though I was scared of the bleeding and contractions, I knew everything was ok because I saw them every 1-2 weeks. Unfortunately with having a fairly good pregnancy so far....I don't get the ultrasounds. The only thing I have to calm my fears is when she kicks. (How does anyone survive with only that to help them know what's going on with their baby - it's driving me crazy!)
#4 - I have this fear that even if I get to my due date, something might go wrong with the delivery (I've never been scared about something going wrong during delivery...)
#5 - What if it's not a girl. We've only had one ultrasound that said it was a girl. What if it's wrong. How can I cut off the tags to wash clothes to have ready for the baby when they could have made a mistake! I think this is also why I haven't pushed Dean on picking a name. (and this is my seriously stupid fear, but it's real) What if I'm doing some sort of mental damage by talking to it like it's a girl and then it ends up being a boy. Will he have feminine issues? (yeah I'm a dork...)
It helps me to write them down, so I can see how irrational I'm being. I've never been a pessimist, but I can't seem to shake this "something horrible is going to happen" feeling. I know I just need to trust in Heavenly Father, after all the blessings I've had say that everything will be fine. I told Dean that when we open the boxes that will be my way of telling Heavenly Father that I'm trusting in him to help with the rest of the pregnancy. For me that's a huge step right now. Maybe I'll also push Dean into picking a name too....
So here's my list.
#1 - Driving in the car. It scares me to death now. I really have no reason for it to scare me since I have never had a car accident. But every time I'm behind the wheel all I can think about is what if someone hits me. I'm wearing a seat belt and that could hurt the baby. If the airbag goes off, that could hurt the baby. Let alone if it's a really bad accident....
#2 - I can't open any of the stuff we've bought for the baby. And this is so unlike me, I love to open stuff and put it together. But this time all I can think of is I can't open it, what if something happens to the baby. We can't return it if it's open. (Dean is going to help me get through this one by opening everything next week - which makes me excited, but also scared)
#3 - Next is my fear of all the medical things that could possibly go wrong. And this goes way beyond the placental abruption that I'm scared might happen any day. With the other girls I had tons of ultrasounds, so even though I was scared of the bleeding and contractions, I knew everything was ok because I saw them every 1-2 weeks. Unfortunately with having a fairly good pregnancy so far....I don't get the ultrasounds. The only thing I have to calm my fears is when she kicks. (How does anyone survive with only that to help them know what's going on with their baby - it's driving me crazy!)
#4 - I have this fear that even if I get to my due date, something might go wrong with the delivery (I've never been scared about something going wrong during delivery...)
#5 - What if it's not a girl. We've only had one ultrasound that said it was a girl. What if it's wrong. How can I cut off the tags to wash clothes to have ready for the baby when they could have made a mistake! I think this is also why I haven't pushed Dean on picking a name. (and this is my seriously stupid fear, but it's real) What if I'm doing some sort of mental damage by talking to it like it's a girl and then it ends up being a boy. Will he have feminine issues? (yeah I'm a dork...)
It helps me to write them down, so I can see how irrational I'm being. I've never been a pessimist, but I can't seem to shake this "something horrible is going to happen" feeling. I know I just need to trust in Heavenly Father, after all the blessings I've had say that everything will be fine. I told Dean that when we open the boxes that will be my way of telling Heavenly Father that I'm trusting in him to help with the rest of the pregnancy. For me that's a huge step right now. Maybe I'll also push Dean into picking a name too....
Oh Cort, you sound like me - a raving pregnant woman! :) I so totally understand where you are coming from - I refuse to go buy anything for this baby until I'm well into my second trimester and even then I think it's pushing it.
ReplyDeleteOur husbands deserve medals for putting up with us, don't they? Poor Jon just sat here and consoled his weeping pregnant wife last night after watching Grey's Anatomy (there was a little girl who died of a terminal disease), saying "What if, what if?"
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ReplyDelete(I had a typo the first time, so I'm re-commenting!) Cortney - I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all of that stress!! Remember, it's just the hormones. You'll be able to relax once she's finally here. Or when she turns 18. :)
ReplyDeleteYou know I had the same concerns about driving. I could barely do it without an anxiety episode. Also, opening things up and giving birth. I was so crazed I asked the midwife. She said that it's quite common for women having their 3rd child to react like this. She didn't know why. She only knew that she dealt with it a lot. Good luck...You are normal. :O)
ReplyDeleteI think you're normal! I can definitely relate to a lot of what you wrote. I'm a worrier anyways, add pregnancy hormones and I was a total mess both times!!
ReplyDeleteWorrying is totally normal. I worried about the craziest things.
ReplyDeleteAs long as the baby is kicking... My first trip to the hospital was because I drank *maybe* 3 swallows of root beer and couldn't feel Aidan kicking. I swore I'd finished the can of soda, but I hadn't. He was fine. I'm a dork. :)
I'm so happy that you're doing so well! And if you have a boy, I'll totally share my boy clothes with you. I'm fairly sure I'm going to have a girl this time (because I'm prepared for a BOY), so we can switch!
Love ya, Mae!
Thank you guys for making me feel better!! It's nice to know I'm not the only "crazy" one out there!
ReplyDeleteCat - sometimes I wonder if I've watched too many medical dramas...ER, Grey's...yeah I wouldn't have so many scary ideas without them!
You sound just like me I am going through basicly the same thing. I am being taken off the Trabutaline in 3 weeks still have to say on bedrest for 5 but what if without the medicine I go into labor before then. I am a wreck. I am ready for him but I am not I do not have any of the little things nothing is ready or washed. I feel like I have so much to do and not enough time to do it. I know that these next few weeks will go by very quickly and that really scares me. Hang in there you are not alone. Love ya Annie
ReplyDeleteLife is full of some scary crap...and I'm sure it is ten times worse with pregnancy. I'm a worrier by nature and I've had to train myself not to let my mind get the best of me. One of my friends gave me some really sound advice...Keep your thoughts in the realm of self-talk versus self-listen. Meaning, actively think positive thoughts and logically think things through versus just letting the little voice in you head continue to ramble off a bunch of worrying questions. Take a deep breath, remind yourself that everything is going to be ok and that Heavenly Father knows you and loves you. He'll take care of things...we just have to trust.
ReplyDeleteLove your guts!